Monday, May 13, 2013

Two Dozen Dolls

Two Dozen Dolls

Having a nervous breakdown is alarming.  After I broke, I couldn't feel anything. After several hours, my teeth had stopped chattering but my heart had stopped feeling.  The world grew cold.  I was a ghost.  I didn't know what to do.  I felt profoundly alone.  So I started making dolls.  

Sewing had always made me feel better, so it was my first thought for therapy...but sewing didn't warm my heart.  I hoped that the dolls with their smiling faces might do the trick.  Three dolls later and I wasn't feeling any joy.  Then my husband said, "you have to give them away, that is the piece that is missing".   So the journey began.....

Eva received the first doll.  She patiently let me hold her for an hour while she held her little doll.  She reminded me that we all started out bright and shiny, a story just beginning to unfold.  We all end up on a path with twists and turns that we didn't expect.  And, we all get to choose a path with heart or not.  I am choosing the path with a heart.  

Eight dolls have found their way out into the world and 16 dolls are waiting.  With each doll, I feel the heavy darkness break free and fall away.  I feel lighter.  I feel brighter.  I am coming back to life.  
I am thankful for the path my life has taken.  It has been boot camp for my soul.  
Some people say, "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" but it wasn't that simple for me.  So I say, "Remember who you are, deep in your heart, and find ways to bring it out in the world."  
Together we can light up the darkness.   
                                        We can refuse to have hate in our hearts.
                                       We can choose to be honest and loving.
                                         We can find good in each other.
                                        We can be as bright and shiny as we were...
                                           on the day we were born.
Together, we can light up the world.


  1. Deborah, sounds like you're doing better...great news. The dolls are amazing; how do you do that tiny detailed work? I don't have the patience or the adept fingers for that!

  2. Great blog....your really, really, talented, and talk about the detail. Awesome.